that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
