Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it glows. i had to have it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
