well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
