I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
