i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
