I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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