and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
