It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
