Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
