so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
