where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
