Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
