Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Drunk is not a location!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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