Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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