Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
