yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
