Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
