The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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