I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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