I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
this hospital has no fireball
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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