i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
