Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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