I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
