I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
