well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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