Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
there is puke in my bra ... again
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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