You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
