theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
