I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
