Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
