I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
