I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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