i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Redeem this text for a blowjob
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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