My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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