Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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