i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
