so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
