i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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