At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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