My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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