Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
