I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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