i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
