2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
