There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
