i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
