And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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