he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
