Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
