you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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