I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
