life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
