She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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