I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
