bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it because I queefed?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
