Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
