He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
