but the lizard people decide everything anyway
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
