What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
