I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
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he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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