you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
