love makes seman taste better
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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