Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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