I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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