i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
