This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
