You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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