No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize