Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
