Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
