Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
