I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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