So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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