Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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