i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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