rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
