Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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