all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
