Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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