We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
