WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
